That’s so true for me. I make a living telling other people how simplify their schedules, how to make balanced decisions about actions and choices. But I can’t do it for myself. In my seminars, I tell audiences about how I use an organizer when I need to make decisions, because my reasons behind choices and actions are not simple.
Take this week. I was productive, but feeling off-centre. I spent the first few days of the week alone, recovering from my sinus infection. This made me feel lonely, which put me in a place I first started going to as a teen – my non-existent space. When I spend too much time alone I get bouts of non-existence, which disconnect me from the world. I feel outside of everything.
This outsiderness is great for writing. This week I came up with and started a new (fiction) book idea. It’s not so good for my ability to interact with others, however. During these bouts, I feel I need to be with people, but when I’m with people I feel like I’m intruding, no matter how open and receptive people are.
I wouldn’t want to lose this sensation because it is creatively fruitful, but it is hard on the emotions. I recognize it when it comes, so I wait until it passes, resisting the urge to throw myself at people in a clingy neurotic way, but not totally isolating myself either.
I knew coming to France that I’d feel lonely and experience bouts of non-existence. I’m just glad that they held off until I was well-settled here, otherwise I might have fled.
- Simple decisions are often the hardest to make; don’t complicate them – get help.
- Be aware of why you act certain ways. It’ll help you avoid repeating unproductive actions.
Kamut Crepe Quesadillas