Unharnessed Energy = Not Good

Fantasy readers know that energy needs to be focused or chaos ensues. If I can’t keep my energy focused and productive, I will create havoc in my life.

I’m talking about men, of course. My Whirlwind Barcelona Boyfriend (WBB) and I don’t talk now. I didn’t mope (much). We had a good time together and my Barcelona experience was better for meeting him.

Nope, I didn’t mope. I got back online and started chatting again.

In fact, when I’m in Spain trying out the farm worker thing in February, I’m going to meet up with a new guy.

My goal while we wait to meet is to stop playing the "what if" game. "What if I meet him and I don’t like him or he doesn’t like me?" or "what if we really like each other initially but it turns into a disaster later?" or even "what if we end up dating and I want to spend the rest of my life in Spain?"

Many other questions pop into my head, especially after talking to Cate, whose own WBB experience has been so positive (he’s visiting her in March). But I force myself not to answer them.

So, what would happen if I did answer the questions?

Well, I’d live through the relationship right to the end thereby creating an unreal expectation. Since reality can never match what goes on inside my head, I’d damn things from the start.

And how does this relate to an easy, organized life? It’s simple. If I let my imagination run wild then I allow in too much chaos and that chaos messes up the emotions, which messes up my life.

I need to focus on simple questions, and focus my energy on writing.

Do I like him? Do I want to meet him? Yes and yes. Done. And now I’m writing about it.

Someday Lessons:

  • Energy needs to be channeled or it will cause havoc.
  • When your mind is cluttered, your space and your ability to juggle activities will suffer.
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4 thoughts on “Unharnessed Energy = Not Good

  1. J.J. Jordan says:

    I wish you good luck!

  2. Alex Fayle says:

    Thanks J.J.!! I’m sure with practice I’ll be able to generate my own luck. It’s just a matter of the right mindset…

    And funny that you commented today because I was just thinking about how to (maybe) monetize this blog and you have a whole blog devoted to that!

    Cheers,
    Alex

  3. rebecca says:

    Hi Alex,
    this last post really brings to mind a philosophy lecture series I was following at the Sorbonne. It was – as it only could be in France – on the question of Love, and I would like to share some of the ideas with you…

    First off, the premise that desire creates illusions – it replaces reality; Plato wrote that desire is both caused by good and a search for good, and Spinoza replies that something is only good because we desire it – hence the idea of illusion. Think of it as a kind of philosophical version of ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’.

    My spirit associates something good with my object of desire, and the object of desire thus creates illusions. In this scenario, the jealous person is the one who doubts whether their object of desire is as noble and reliable as thought!

    Naturally, when we talk about love and illusion, we tend to recoil – and why is that? I think because morality must stigmatize and denounce something which is considered false: a false illusion.

    When something is false, we know it is because we suffer. We suffer not only jealousy but also misery because we are searching for something which does not exist.

    If love is desire, and desire creates illusions, then love will also suffer from false illusions. What we may wish to believe is good and virtuous isn’t necessarily so and this scares us.

    Love is a way to singularize and distinguish a person. Someone in love wants the other to be different, special. Love is a preference, more or less justified, of singularity. We look for something which we lack, which we don’t ourselves posses. We single out a particular quality that is deriven from a generalisation. Thus the question in no longer one of preference but rather of the illusion of singularity – we love an abstraction.

    We love what we believe people to be. Would Cleopatra have loved Anthony were he not so powerful a military leader? A simple detail in the question of beauty and attraction can change the course of history.

    To a certain extent one can not help BUT to live in a world of illusion, and to choose an object of desire is to choose an object we believe is ‘good’. The receptacle of our desire might also take part in this illusion and believe themselves to be what we have created.

    Let me show you a poem by Walt Whitman called Sometimes with the one I love.

    ‘Sometimes with the one I love
    I fill myself with rage for fear
    I effuse unreturn’d love,
    But now I think there is no unreturn’d love,
    the pay is certain,
    one way or another,
    (I loved a certain person ardently and my love was not return’d,
    Yet out of that love I have written these songs).
    Walt Whitman 1860

    p.s about 24 hours after I finished the philosophy lecture I just transcribed above, in March 1998, my fellow student invited me round to his place to play some music. When I opened the door to his garret flat I saw Erwan. I knew then I had found my peace, illusory or not, and we have been together ever since!

  4. Alex Fayle says:

    Wow! I had to read that twice and out loud for it to penetrate (it’s been so long since I took a philosophy course!). But it’s totally cool thought.

    So to take my case, an insecure person (me) doubts whether the object of desire (guys I like) will provide the right level of validation (not too attentive nor too aloof).

    I totally get it! That’s awesome. And it really helps – thank you!

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