Continuing on from last week, here is another excerpt from the upcoming second Curing Someday Syndrome workshop: I’ll Get Around To It Someday. This week we look at how the choices I made at the time had very little to do with what I actually wanted out of life.
In 1999 when I’d decided I’d been in my job long enough, I started looking for new work. I learned, however, that there were few middle-management jobs in the non-profit world and in the fours years I spent looking for work, I only ever had one interview. I ended up feeling trapped, forced into a job I no longer wanted.
At the same time, the writing group I belonged to was beginning to depress me. The group had a focus on literary fiction and I was writing fantasy. More and more I found myself writing what I thought they wanted, rather than I wanted.
Again I felt trapped, so I left the group and I abandoned writing. I felt that if writing was about changing yourself for others than I had no choice but to give it up.
By 2002, I had situational depression. I hated my life but didn’t think I had any options. I felt I had no marketable job skills and nothing outside of my job was making up for the unhappiness there.
Then I discovered the field of Professional Organizing. I didn’t need to look at my resume to know that all of my non-marketable skills totally fit the description of an organizer, so I took the leap and in July of 2003, opened my own business.
For the next three years I acted like I’d found my calling, but deep down I felt like a fraud. I did all the right things. I joined the industry’s association and got involved in governing it. I networked, got coaching, had business planners, and built up a newsletter and client base, but I still wasn’t writing.
I thought I was making conscious choices about my life, but I wasn’t. I was acting based on a list in my head of things that I needed to do to support myself so that I could eventually get back to writing. It was all a means to an end.
It was all a to-do list without a whole lot of desire behind it.
- Making conscious choices means moving toward a dream, not running from a nightmare.
P.S. Learn to make conscious choices with the Someday My Ship Will Come In eWorkshop – available free for a short time.