Getting past fear: Introducing Lab Rat Jim

A week this coming Thursday, the next Lab Rat series officially kicks off which means I have four new people ready to enter the maze, Jim, Cat, Brett & Barb (yes another Brett – not the same one from the last series). This week, I will introduce you to each of them, starting with Jim today.

Jim is a divorced Software Engineer in Canada who’s striving to finally live his life journey instead of just being a spectator.

In what way do you feel that you are stuck in a rut? What have you wanted to accomplish but never done? What’s holding you back? What’s not working in your life?
In many ways, I do move out of my comfort zone, but I always get dragged back in.  I’ve never really planned my future, never really had long-term dreams that I could commit to.  I just let things happen to me.  People think I’m adventurous (which is true) but they don’t see the life-rut that I’ve made for myself.

I’ve always wanted to live somewhere else.  I grew up only a few kilometers from where I live.  I didn’t go away for school.  I’ve never lived in any other city.  There’s such a big world out there.  I want to experience it, not just visit it.

I think I need a job change, or even a career change.  If I was courageous enough, I’d figure out a way to make it on my own.  I’ve been involved with computers all my life.  I like it, but it might be time for a change.

I’ve been afraid of failing (and succeeding) for as long as I remember.  That fear exerts a lot of pressure on me, making me “play it safe.”

What sort of supports do you have (or don’t have) in your life? Who is there cheering (or jeering) you along?
I have a wonderful and loving partner, Heidi, who is 1800 km away.  We’ve known each other for nearly a year and a half, and we’ve been striving to figure out the path of our relationship for some time, especially since she moved away.  We’re very close, both focused on growth, striving to be the best selves we can be, so that we can be healthy in whatever relationship we have together.  I also have the support of my family, who are (mostly) local, and my two young children (an 8-year-old and a 7-year-old).  I have them with me half the time, and I love them dearly.

I’ve made a number of new friends over the last few months.  They are also supportive of my honesty and willingness to grow.

What variety of the Someday Syndrome affects you the most? Is there one that doesn’t affect you at all?
They all affect me, to varying degrees.  I’ve certainly not set any long-term goals for myself, so I’m clearly waiting for “my ship to come in”.  I do suffer from procrastination.  I sometimes find distractions to fill my time that allow me to dodge the important questions.  I’ve definitely reduced the clutter in my life, but I still have too much “stuff”.  Simple is better.

What have you tried up until now to get unstuck? Why do you think it didn’t work?
Shortly after the disintegration of my marriage, I was living in a two bedroom apartment with just a few items, and a room for the kids.  The rest of my “stuff” was in storage, and I rarely thought about it.  I was happy then, able to choose things that made me happy, not things I felt I must or should do.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped focusing on the present.  I bought a house, but I’m not finished decorating it (I’ve stalled on that).  I’ve lost momentum, and filled my life with time-consuming tasks and distractions that steal time.

Fear has crept back in.  I’m suffering from self-esteem issues again, which is ridiculous.  I’m actually an interesting and successful person that has much to offer, but I have negative thought patterns that are well established, and powerful enough to overcome my rational self.  I’ve been seeking help for this, but it’s all part of the bigger puzzle.

What do you hope to gain from this Lab Rat experience? What do you picture happening at the end of the process?
I want to be able to move forward, perhaps changing my career.  I wish I could move, but I can’t take the kids with me, so that’s out of the question for now.  I want to simplify, focus, find happiness in myself, not just the approval of others.  I want to have the confidence to make major life decisions, confident that, no matter what, happiness is present in all things.  I want to live, not just exist.  I want to succeed.  I want to fail. I want to move past the fear.  I want to become one of those people who do live their dreams, instead of just hearing the voice in my head saying “I could never do that”.

Don’t forget that you can get in on the Someday-Busting Conversation through the forums. Sign up and join in on the fun!

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13 thoughts on “Getting past fear: Introducing Lab Rat Jim

  1. Glen Allsopp says:

    Nice introduction Alex + Jim. I’m looking forwarding to seeing the others as well!

    Cheers,
    Glen

    Glen Allsopp´s last blog post..The Most Inspiring Video You’ll Watch This Year

  2. I think everything happens when it’s meant to be.

    You make the critical changes in your life when you finally get fed up enough with your current situation…and generally not a moment before.

    The challenge with forcing yourself is you might not maintain the exertion necessary to continue with building towards success. That’s one reason, for example, why many dieters fail – they go gung-ho for 2 weeks and then slip back into their prior rut.

    I firmly believe you have to turn the key in your mind that Your Life Changes…TODAY!

    And then you make it happen.

    Data points, Barbara

    Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog post..GRAB this free quality OTO script – one time offer!

  3. Karen Swim says:

    Alex, thanks for this excellent introduction! I’m looking forward to this series.

    Jim, I applaud you for stepping forward and sharing your journey with us. We are all on a continual path of growth and I look forward to growing and learning with you.

    Karen Swim´s last blog post..In Celebration of Reading and Writing

  4. Cath Lawson says:

    Hi Alex – It sounds like Jim has some huge choices and changes to make. I guess his long distance relationship with his partner must be tough.

    But if he moves to be near her – childcare arrangements will be difficult, since his kids live with him half the time. I’ll be following his progress with interest.

  5. Paul D says:

    I can’t wait to hear more about your life and your plans to change for the better. Good stuff here.

  6. Alex Fayle says:

    @Glen
    I’m really looking forward to what comes up too!

    @Barbara
    I agree – forcing ourselves just creates resentment. We change when we choose to and usually that happens when the situation we are in becomes intolerable.

    @Karen
    I was amazed and honoured by how many people stepped forward. Just wait until you see the other three!

    @Cath
    Yes, Jim does have some challenges – ones that many people are faced with these days.

    @Paul D
    Thanks for the support!

  7. […] kicks off which means I have four new people ready to enter the maze, Jim, Cat, Brett & Barb. Yesterday you met Jim; today it’s Cat’s […]

  8. Jim sounds like a lovely guy with enough “issues” to make him an interesting lab rat. Not that we want you to be suffering, Jim, but reading about how you’re going to take charge of your life is going to be great reading. 🙂

    Look forward to meeting the other lab rats.

    Kelly@SHE-POWER

  9. […] Getting past fear: Introducing Lab Rat Jim at Someday Syndrome […]

  10. Alex Fayle says:

    @Kelly
    LOL – I know exactly what you mean. While I hate to see Jim (and the others) suffer, I really look forward to seeing their progress over the next few months.

  11. Nice to “meet” you, Jim! Committing to change is a huge step, and even moreso when it’s done in a public forum like this. I look forward to reading about your someday journey.

    Janet Barclay´s last blog post..Perfectionism: Virtue or Vice?

  12. […] starts, with four new people ready to enter the maze, Jim, Cat, Brett & Barb. Monday you met Jim, and Tuesday, Cat. Today you get to meet the (other) […]

  13. Alex Fayle says:

    @Janet
    Yes, I’m very proud of all four of the Lab Rats for stepping up and doing exploring change in a public forum. They are a real inspiration.

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