Banish Fear Through Community

  • Someday Lesson: Don’t let the fear of looking foolish or being hurt destroy the benefits of belonging to a community.

I talk a lot about fear here on Someday Syndrome. That’s only natural given that fear is probably the number one thing that blocks many of our dreams from coming true.

But that’s not all that fear does – fear keeps us isolated, keeps us from opening up and sharing.

Joanna Young over at Confident Writing spent March talking about community and yesterday something occurred to me: fear destroys communities in so many different ways.

Here in Spain under the Franco dictatorship neighbours could denounce each other for speaking Basque, Catalan or Gallego. Not a great way to build community. In the UK and the United States fear led people to call each other witches. And back in the time of the Spanish Inquisition fear led the Church to do a lot of horrific things to a lot of people.

In more modern times especially since 9-11, fear has dominated Western culture with fear of terrorists and fear of violence cutting everyone off from one another. There’s a huge horror film industry built around fear and so many popular television shows exploit and increase our sense of insecurity about the world.

On the personal front, fear of making a fool out of ourselves and fear of fucking up keep us quiet and locked up inside our heads.

As Karen Swim over on Words for Hire did today, let’s celebrate foolishness instead of fearing it. Foolishness has led to many great discoveries at global and personal levels. I know that if I hadn’t have been foolish enough to leave a secure life in Toronto, I wouldn’t be where I am now living with the man I love doing what I love for a living.

I invite you therefore to break away from your fear by opening up and communicating and trusting people to accept us and help us in our journeys. I invite you to get involved in building a community.

And right here on Someday Syndrome you have several ways to create a community:

  1. Comment – tell us all how you’re doing on your own Someday Journey and how your Journey is the same as/different from the Journeys talked about in the blog’s posts.
  2. Engage other commenters – ask questions of other commenters, share similar stories. Someone else has certainly gone through your current situation. Get the benefit of their experiences.
  3. Chat in the forum – you don’t have to wait to see a specific topic appear on the blog. The Someday-Busting Conversations happening over on the forum can help you with your Somedays no matter what’s being discussed here on the blog.
  4. Provide a guest post – have your own take on Someday Syndrome? Share your stories here on the blog. Contact me to find out how.
  5. Be a Someday Interviewee – I’m always looking out for new interview subjects. Even if you’re still chasing after your Somedays, I’m certain you have a great story to tell that others will identify with. Send me a note and I’ll line you up with an interview.
  6. Invite me to guest post – no matter what the topic of your blog, I’m certain there’s a Someday angle to be found. I’d love to share in your community with a Someday take on your blog.
  7. Get personalized help – not feeling up to sharing your Somedays with the world? That’s okay. You don’t have to. I’m also available one-on-one or in small groups to help you rid your life of Somedays and start living your dreams.
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13 thoughts on “Banish Fear Through Community

  1. Karen Swim says:

    Alex, I love the picture and I love the post! I never considered this perspective, so insightful – fear does hinder community, it is the impediment to intimacy and connection. I love those who make bold choices who dare to defy convention and do something different. Far too often we play by rules set by others as though they were law. Make your own way and follow your heart. I also cannot complete this comment without telling you how I love your call to action. You told us what you need from us, how to connect and how to contribute. Alex, I am so glad that you are living the life you want, in being heroic to self first (thank you Joanna for this inspiration) you truly have become a hero to others. I totally heart you!

    Karen Swim´s last blog post..It’s April and I am the Fool

  2. Alex Fayle says:

    @Karen
    Thank you! It’s through community that I learn to be heroic. Just like Buffy learned – she survived as a Slayer longer than any of the others because she refused to follow the “rules” and she created a community. And later, even when she didn’t want it, her community was there supporting her.

  3. Joanna Young says:

    Alex, I can’t think of anything smart to add other than “yes”, and “thank you” 🙂

    Joanna Young´s last blog post..Why I Talk About the Weather on Twitter

  4. Anna says:

    Hi Alex,

    You’re absolutely right, fear stops us from putting ourselves out there and from doing what is actually really important to us. I love the idea of celebrating foolishness, if we are to achieve the life we want we have to open up to others even when we think we may seem foolish, but what’s the bet we don’t look as silly as we think we do!

    Anna 🙂

  5. Friar says:

    Alex

    Ironic…you talk about fear, and then you post pictures of creepy clowns!

    (Now..if there’s ONE thing that makes me uncomfortable and sets me on edge…is CREEPY clowns!

    …(*shudder*).

    I’d rather have seen a picture of a tarantula or something. 😉

  6. I started to write something on someone’s blog in a comment… then I deleted two lines of it. I just didn’t feel bold enough to share my thoughts — nothing tacky, just a lack of understanding on my part.

    I also almost revealed what I am afraid of — and decided against it because someone could use that against me. Silly, I know. I’ve seen too many things where you hear people say, “We heard you hated…” and then surprise them with the very thing they hate. Somethings are better left offline.

    Meryl K. Evans´s last blog post..Writer Doesn’t Get Twitter

  7. Alex Fayle says:

    @Joanna
    Darn! I did my job too well! I’ll have to leave you a better opening next time. 😉

    @Anna
    That last bit’s the key – we might think we look foolish but most others probably see us as brave for following our own path.

    @Friar
    Then you need to check out today’s post about naming and dismissing fears, dude. 😉

    @Meryl
    Good point – I don’t reveal everything here either because some things people just don’t need to know about me. Some things are better left offline.

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