Tag Archives: desire

Tackling Someday Head On: Achieving Dreams with Confidence

  • Someday Lesson: If you can’t fully commit to busting your Someday then how important is it to you really?

Aunt Owwee on flickr.comYou know what? It doesn’t matter what you want. It doesn’t matter what reasons you have for not following it. If you’re not pursuing a dream you say you want, then you have to ask yourself the question How much do I really want it?

Marie understands this. Her biggest Someday is finishing her degree she admits to only maybe wanting it. She feels that she should really want it but she’s burnt out and only kind of wants it. That makes any forward progress a chore and the moment something becomes a chore resistance kicks in.

Think about your life – what are you doing because you feel you should want it? Or I should say, what are you not doing even though you feel you should want it?

Johnny, despite saying that he wants a career in clean-technology, lacks confidence and lets his poor work habits and procrastination stop him. Tie that into his fear around not having enough money and bam! he’s completely blocked. He can’t move forward because he’s scared it won’t work out (based on past experience) and yet he wants to move forward because it’s supposed his dream.

What situation in your life is like Johnny’s? Where do you claim to want something but then let fear stop you?

When Michelle contacted me to become a Lab Rat, she mentioned that she fights her weight. She focuses on everything else in her life and ignores her weight. She doesn’t apply for jobs because she’s not happy with the way she looks. She says “it’s not fair!” about her size. And yet she knows it’s a whole lot easier to stay exactly as she is. It’s more comfortable to complain than to act even though the inaction makes her feel resentful and angry with herself. She’s waiting for it to be easy.

What aren’t you tackling because it’s too much work?

Helen has a similar challenge. Yes her life is great, but she lets her health get out of control. She knows that certain foods are bad for her and that she doesn’t get enough exercise, but she doesn’t make herself a priority. Work fills her life and she lets that dictate all the other things she does. Rather than making a conscious choice at every meal to eat well, she goes on autopilot and lets whatever at hand go into her mouth. She chooses the comfortable (although more unhealthy) option of sitting in front of the computer rather than going out and getting exercise. Even though she loves her home and her village, she’s not connected to it the way she is to a city like London which energizes her to be active. At home she curls up in her nest and hibernates.

Are you connected or disconnected from your environment? Are you actively engaged or on autopilot?

Now let’s turn to Joyce who desperately wants to get back to writing. She has had two books published but has writer’s block for her current projects. She says she wants to focus on her writing and yet in her list of Somedays Joyce wants to do a bit of everything, from advocacy work to moving to another part of the country. And with each new idea she takes herself farther away from her writing Someday. With so many projects that seem to have an equal importance to her, all of which are time consuming and emotionally draining, Joyce can’t choose any single one to work on.

How many projects do you have on the go at any one time? How good are you at prioritizing them?

And then finally we have Kristin another Someday-writer. She’s never made the effort to pursue her dream of supporting herself with her writing because she had a secure job that was safe. In her one of her hugely successful writing courses, 25 year writing veteran Holly Lisle says “SAFE never starts.”

SAFE can keep you locked up in your house, never daring to step foot outside the door. It can keep you locked in a job you hate that has no future, just because you’re afraid if you walk away you will never work again. SAFE can kill your hopes and dreams by telling you they were never worth pursuing, that you were never good enough to make them real, that you were only kidding yourself.

Where are you choosing safe over happy?

Basically it all comes down to excuses and because you’re getting something out of your inaction. For every single one of the Lab Rats that “something” is hope. As long as they don’t move forward, as long as they don’t follow through on their dreams they still have hope that the dreams will come true. Thing is, no matter how much hope they have, if they don’t act they’ve already failed.

It’s like being afraid to ask for help. Most people don’t ask for help because they’re afraid the other person will say no, and yet by not asking for help the answer is already no. In Spanish they have an expression “El no ya lo tienes” which literally translates to “The no you already have it.” If you ask or if you try then you have the possibility of the yes. But you have to do something.

Taking Action

So, what could each of the Lab Rats do? What could you do?

What are you not doing even though you feel you should want it?
Do you really want it? And if you don’t which is the “lesser evil”? Stopping or seeing it through? Sometimes you’ve reached a point where dropping the project makes no sense. On the other hand you might think it’s worth finishing when really you’re just flogging a dead horse and it’s time to accept your losses and walk away.

Where do you claim to want something but then let fear stop you?
Stand up and shout “I want this!” Or drop it and go find something else that you’re really passionate about. Can Johnny actually say that about his career in clean-technology? Think about people like Madonna or Gandhi (yes, I’m actually putting Madonna and Gandhi in the same sentence). Neither one accepted no. They wanted to fulfill their dreams so much they went out and did what they had to do (guided by their moral compasses) to achieve it. Of course, not everyone wants the same sort of world-influencing dream, but if you can’t say with 100% confidence “I want this” then why are you wasting energy, time and money pursuing it?

What aren’t you tackling because it’s too much work?
Human beings are inherently lazy. It’s a blessing in many cases. If it weren’t for our laziness we’d still be living in caves working hard all day long just to get enough to eat. However, there’s a dark side to laziness – inertia. It’s always harder to get started than to keep going. So, despite our desire to change we stay on the same path, repeat actions that do nothing to advance our dreams (or even hinder them) and then complain that we’re not seeing progress. If you truly want to change, you have to get active. Put your laziness to good use and find a way to create a new habit that will carry you to your dream in the same way your current habits carry you away from it.

Are you actively engaged or on autopilot?
One of my favorite phrases here on the blog is “life is choice” – from the decision to get up each morning through to going to bed at night (well for me the last one isn’t that much of a choice – my body just shuts down at some point and I get no say in the matter). Helen lets circumstances dictate her choices. It’s easier to go with the flow than to make active choices that might inconvenience other parts of her life. Getting out and getting exercise means not working quite so much. Taking time from work means the renovations on the house take longer and vacations can’t be as exotic as she would like. And so on and so on. If you grew up in the 1980s you might remember a series of books called Choose Your Own Adventure. Life’s like that – full of choices with consequences. Are you going to decide what action you take or will you let some invisible author make those choices for you?

How many projects do you have on the go at any one time? How good are you at prioritizing them?
Multitasking has gotten a bad rap in the past century. Ever since the industrial revolution specialization and finding your niche have become the ideal to pursue. However, not everyone is so single minded. Some people have so many interests and so many brand new ideas every day that they can’t function trying to be specialized. And because no one has ever taught them to deal with all these ideas flooding in, they become paralyzed and so do nothing. Fortunately the author Barbara Sher has brought back the renaissance approach to life in her book Refuse to Choose. If you’re someone who likes to do it all, this book provides a way to handle all the ideas that throw themselves at you like a group of puppies in full play-mode. Joyce sounds like she needs this book. How about you?

Where are you choosing safe over happy?
Sometimes safe is important – for example in the basic needs of life, but beyond that safe does nothing but block our desires. Don’t risk, don’t stand out, don’t be different from anyone else. As long as you choose safe over happy then you’ll always feel unfulfilled and happiness will always remain out of reach. Happiness requires risk. What are you willing to risk to gain happiness?

Your Personalized Someday Assessment

How did you do answering the six questions above? Are you as blocked about your life as the Lab Rats are?

If so then it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to reach out and ask for help. You want to live more and to achieve your dreams. You don’t want to live on autopilot. You don’t want to go through life on autopilot and unconscious.

It’s time to wake up, take control of your life and make the changes you want to make.

By doing nothing you already have your no, so why not try for yes instead?

All you need to do is fill out the Personalized Someday Assessment and I’ll help you bust your Somedays and create the life you want.

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Accepting personal responsibility for our fulfillment in life

This week’s guest post is a reprint of a recent post by Jeff Nickles at My Supercharged Life. One of the most important principles behind Someday Syndrome is personal responsibility – we cannot necessarily choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to it. Jeff does a great job explaining what happens when we start taking responsibility for our own life.

Is your life everything you want it to be?  Many of us are not experiencing the fulfillment in life that we desire.

Who’s to blame for this?  The reality is we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Continuing to point the finger at your parents, spouse, boss, the government, this economy, your kids or anything outside yourself is a cop out.  It is choosing to remain right where you are at.

You are simply and conveniently hiding behind a curtain of excuses.

Accepting personal responsibility for your position in life is the foundational step essential for living life to its fullest.

3 things to help you accept responsibility and live a greater life

Our fulfillment in life is our responsibility.  It is our job.  No one else can do this for us.  We individually choose our path in life and how we respond to everything that happens to us.

I want to encourage you to take personal responsibility for your fulfillment and happiness.  Here’s some things that I think you can do to get started.

1.  Start believing you have what it takes.

We hold many false beliefs about ourselves that often hold us back from pursuing the life we dream of living.  Glen at PluginID reminds us You Are Enough!

Whatever it is you want in life, you have what it takes to achieve it.  You are so much more than you think.  You are better looking, smarter, more valuable, stronger and vastly more capable of handling all that life can throw at you than you currently believe.

Throw out your fears and false beliefs about yourself so you can start living!  Believe you have what it takes!

2.  Figure out what matters to you and get organized to go for it.

What is it that you’ve always dreamed of doing, but have just been too chicken to try?  What matters enough to you to step out of the rut you are in and take a chance? What is it that you want your life to stand for?

Steve at MyWifeQuitHerJob.com walks us through his thought processes in answering these questions in How We Stopped Short Of Becoming Lazy Pieces Of Crap.  For Steve, it was his new baby that made him and his wife decide to do more with their lives.

Making a better life for your kids is a fantastic goal!  If that works for you, then use it.  If not, then find out what does motivate you and get going!

As Steve suggests, find something that moves and inspires you to change.  Don’t waste another day wallowing in self-pity and despair!  Time is too short!

3.  Set a definite plan and take immediate action

Once you believe you are enough and know what you want, then you have to create a definite plan to make the desired changes a reality.  Wishful thinking is not going to get you there.  You have to take action to make it all happen the way you want.

Break the cycle of the status quo in your life by doing something different.  You must step out of your routine and comfort zone to create change.  There is no other way.

You can’t keep doing what you’ve always done and expect a different result.  Life just doesn’t work that way.

Jonathan offers some great advice on this in 7 Roadblocks to Personal Development.  We all face internal barriers to getting what we truly desire.  The difference is that some people take the steps necessary to break free and others do not.  Which will you be?

Accepting personal responsibility for your life is key to fulfillment

Are you willing to accept personal responsibility for your life?  Are you going to stop blaming others, decide what you want and go for it?  What’s your plan to get the life you want?

I guarantee you that you have what it takes!  The world is your oyster!  However, no one is going to hand it over to you on a silver platter.  You have demand what you want from life to get it.  Following the three steps above will get you a long way toward achieving your dreams!

What has been holding you back and what are you going to do about it?

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